Bridesmaids (out 24th June)

Bridesmaids has been touted as "the female Hangover", which I think is quite a lazy comparison. As much I enjoyed The Hangover, the only real solid link between the two is a wedding (in which case you could say "Oh, Bridesmaids is like an all-female Eastenders/Pride and Prejudice/Harry Potter Deathly Hallows/anything ever made with a wedding"). Rather than an invigorating 2 day romp around Vegas, this is more of a (rather hilarious) take on how the dynamics of a friendship can be affected by the stresses of an engagement, job loss and general grown up rubbish. Thrown in a seemingly perfect and beautiful (but actually an idea-stealing BITCH) new pal competing to be "best friend" and it's like, total OMG lolzzz.

Annie (Kristen Wigg, who has been a personal favourite of mine since playing dog obsessive Brahbrah in Flight of the Conchords) is having a crappy time, since her cake business failed, her boyfriend left and she's sharing an apartment with two chubby and weird English siblings (Matt Lucas and a girl who looks a LOT like Matt Lucas in a wig, but isn't, she is actually a real girl). But she was able to face it all with their help of her best friend Lillian. Until that bloody Lillian only goes and gets engaged. So Annie is left trying to sort out her life whilst organising dress fittings, hen parties and bridal showers. This would normally be the kind of film I hate, but it's dealt with such cheeky and awkward humour that I laughed lots.

There is a brief mention of writing in a journal, but instead of pouring her heart out into some pretentious diary entries like a moon-faced pretend Brit, Annie takes her frustrations out through such activities as rolling around on the floor smashing up a giant cookie (it'll make sense when you see the film). The characterisation is so well developed, I even found myself developing a crush on tiny eyed Roy from the IT Crowd (Chris O'Dowd, who plays a dweeby policeman). Melissa McCarthy as brash manly Megan is AWESOME, and there is even a basket of puppies wearing berets and, later, tuxedos. This film is GREAT.

Win Win (out 20th May)

Mike Flaherty is an averagely nice, slightly-downtrodden middle aged man (played by Paul Giamatti, a averagely nice, slightly-downtrodden middle aged man). His attorney's practice is not doing that well, as he is just too bloody averagely nice to take on the big earning hard-nosed cases. After work he coaches a high school wrestling team. They're as rubbish as his attorney's practice. Mike's life kinda sucks.

After a failed search for elderly client Leo's estranged daughter, and ever building stress from his dire finances, Mike decides to take legal responsibility for Leo (Paulie from Rocky! YEAH!) - after finding out his guardian will be paid $1500 a month from Leo's estate. Mike pops Leo into a home, with a view to check on him every now and again... et voilà, easy money. That is, until Leo's long lost grandson Kyle turns up. He's got bleached hair, tattoos, and he smokes. His mum is in rehab and Leo's in a home. Mike and his family let Kyle stay the night. Then that becomes two nights, then a week. Mike takes Kyle to a wrestling practise one afternoon. And it turns out Kyle kicks ASS.

It's all going swimmingly, Kyle has injected some excitement into Mike's life. Mike and his family have injected some security and happiness into Kyle's life. Leo's a bit sad about being in the old peoples home but oh well... he's a bit old and bonkers, and sure, Mike is supposed to let Leo move home if he likes, but that's a lot of work, so nevermind... OOPs - here comes Kyle's drug riddled mum. She wants Kyle back, but most of all she wants Leo's money and threatens to expose Mike's unethical actions as Leo's guardian. Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek!!!

There's some slight cheeseball moments (for example, the weakest boy on the wrestling team is scared of his opponent because he looks like Darth Vader, Kyle's response "If he's Darth Vader, you're the Secret Apprentice". Bleurgh) but lots of potential cliches were avoided (oooh, if Kyle wins this match, he may get spotted for a college scholarship!!... oh wait, he f*cked it up). This is an enjoyable, feel-good film with some nice silly moments. Lovely.

Water for Elephants (out 4th May)

It's becoming quite the cliché to mention Robert Pattinson's elongated nose-hit-with-a-saucepot face whilst talking about his films, so I shan't comment on it at all. Anyway, in this film he smiles sometimes and he isn't all glittery and shit, so the angles of his face are less apparent. The sad moments are mere plot devices, and thus his moody face is only on the screen for a few minutes, such as the opening moments which explain how our 1930s Polish-American hero Jacob abandoned his veterinary studies to join a travelling circus.

I wasn't expecting to like this movie very much, the posters were a bit rom-com and the title is too clunky for my (wannabe) poet's ears. But when I saw the trailer and realised it starred an actual elephant, and not just some awkward metaphor, I got a bit excited. The elephant doesn't disappoint at all, she is beautiful and clever, like Reese Witherspoon (the glowing acrobatic angel and circus "Star attraction" Marlena).

The Titanic/Phantom of the Opera style beginning - oh look, an elderly person, they must be a bit bonkers, WAIT, they have an interesting story to tell... hey up, they were young once? REALLY?? - sets us up for a potential tragedy, so as the realities of the dreamy circus life start to show through the sparkly haze (animals beatings? throwing staff off moving trains to save money? sounds great) we begin to grow wary of psychotic ring master Christopher Waltz (everyones fave Colonel from Inglourious Basterds).

There are some heart wrenching moments, I nearly shed a tear or two, but the ending is rather family friendly. Well, maybe not suitable for kids, but a lot less depressing than I anticipated anyway. Oh, and Bishop Brennan from Father Ted is in it, and loads of lovely animals. It's nice!

Love and Other Drugs (out 29th Dec)

If someone had told me I would have an indifferent response and occassionally be bored by a film featuring endless shots of Jake Gyllenhaal's naked bottom, I have laughed in their face. Or just gone "nah, you're wrong". But this nameless, non-existent someone would be correct.

Love and Other Drugs stars Jake as buff ladies man Jamie, who quit medical school for a faltering career in technology sales (think cassette players and chunky televisions - the film is set in the 90s). His hideous obese brother Josh (think Jonah Hill, but even fatter with worse hair - I know, gross) advises him to use his sleazy salesman skills in the pharmaceutical industry, where he can make megabucks. Here, Jamie stumbles across feisty artist Maggie (Anne Hathaway) who is succumbing to Stage One Parkinson's Disease. Might they each be faking their confidence, masking vulnerability and low self esteem...? Might they teach each other to be better people??

The main problem with this film is that it can't decide if it wants to be a slightly wacky comedy about the dodgy medical industry in the USA, where pharmaceutical companies bribe GPs to use their products (with added American Pie style "fat brother who loves porn" thrown in) or an edgy (LOADS OF NAKED SEX STUFF!!!) sensitive (she's all ill...) rom-com (...but she's able to make jokes about boners etc). So it kind of ends up being about nothing.

There's some weird subplots which don't go anywhere - such as a tramp who steals Prozac out of the bin, who we later see with a haircut and going for a job interview. So are prescription drugs GOOD? The rest of the movie kind of implies not.

I'm confused.

Especially because I lost interest in a film featuring this ->

Unstoppable (out 24th Nov)

Chris Pine managed to make Captain Kirk even sexier than Shatner so I had high hopes for some cheeky heroic charm when I settled down to watch this. All I knew was that there was going to be a runaway train, and that Chris and Denzel Washington were involved.

Old timer Frank (Denzel) and new conductor Will (Chris) are spending their first morning together doing... some stuff I don't understand. Riding on the railway tracks in a little engine and picking up some carriages, and then measuring pressure or some such... yeah, it all went over my head. Anyway, they're good with trains. That's all we need to know.

Meanwhile, the fat goofy brother from My Name is Earl is being fat and goofy over in a railyard, doing something else I don't quite understand, and somehow ends up causing a locomotive with carriage after carriage of toxic chemicals to leave the depot with no driver and no air brakes. The train gathers speeds quickly and is soon powering down the tracks, heading straight towards a infamous sharp curve over a town, where it is certain to derail and explode. After a serious of failed attempts to stop it, it's up to spunky train dispatcher Connie (Rosario Dawson) and our everyday ordinary humble (but also buff, brave and ingenious) guys to save the day.

I was pleasantly surprised that the film was geniunely very exciting. Every time the train powered through a crossing or near another train, my heart missed a beat. The characterisation was kept to a minimum, but that helped keep the pace of the film. Due to the fact a) this was inspired by true events and b) my own knowledge that lots of people are morons, I think I now have a fear of trains.

The tagline sums it up pretty well "1 million tons of steel. 100,000 people at risk. 100 minutes to impact". Should have just copied and pasted that.

Let Me In (out 5th Nov)

Chances are, I could be a bit biased about this film. I did watch it on Halloween, so I was definately in a mood for spooky thrills, and it also stars my new hero Chloe Moretz - the super cool Hit Girl from KickAss.

Owen is a skinny shy boy, slightly smothered by his fragile mother during his parents divorce. He spends his evenings alone, sat on a climbing frame and scoffing sweets. Naturally, he is a target for bullies at school. One evening he spies a man and his daughter Abby moving in to their apartment block. The girl is pale and beautiful, the man a little sinister. Both are anti-social, mysterious and only seem to leave their flat after nightfall. Their arrival also coincides with a spate of violent ritual-style killings.... hmm. All the clues point to something so obvious that everyone overlooks it - vampires.

This is a remake of the Swedish film "Let The Right One In", based on a novel of the same name. World cinema remakes are usually very annoying - people that are too lazy to read subtitles shouldn't get to watch amazing films, and studios should be investing money into exciting new films instead. At least here, the writer has added his own take to the story - the origins and nature of Abby's mysterious guardian are very different, chunks of her past are missing. Matt Reeves, who also directed Cloverfield, seems to have mastered the balance of what to show the audience and what to hint at off screen, with ominous fleeting glimpses. The cinematography is stunning and horror has claimed back vampires from the ridiculous tweeness of Twilight - vampires don't avoid daylight because the sunshine makes them glitter and sparkle, they avoid it because otherwise THEY BURN TO DEATH. Just the way it should be.

8.5/10

Despicable Me (out 15th Oct)

I wouldn't consider myself a shallow person but I really dislike ugly things - people, animals, furniture, whatever. Ugly things annoy me. The trailer for Despicable Me highlighted the ridiculous noses of Gru (Steve Carrell) and Dr. Nefario (Russell Brand) , and don't get me started on how hideous I found the google-eyed minions. So I was a bit worried the ugliness would detract from any potential enjoyment of the film.

Things got off to a shakey start, with bulbous American tourists and a bowl cutted goofball villian Vector. No, no, ... ridiculous proportions ... so annoying... but then suddenly the plot speeds up, we meet Gru, his associate mad old Dr. Nefario and numerous minions. They simply want to make a living like everyone else, it just so happens their business is being evil. The minions are actually quite adorable, Jemaine Clement (Flight of the Conchords) voices one of them, and I suddenly realised part way through they quite look like him too. Their goofy gnashers and inexplicable inconsistancy of having one or two eyes (how come some only have one eye?? argh) suddenly melt into very endearing qualities.

Anyhoo, back to the story. Desperate to keep his up horrible reputation against the new kids on the crime scene - namely sea-life obsessed nerd Vector (Jason Segel), Gru stumbles upon three orphan girls selling cookies and realised he can use them as a front for part of his most evil scheme yet, stealing THE MOON (bwhahaha). So, despite finding them incredibly annoying, he adopts them. He shoves them in the kitchen with a bowl full of sweets and some newspaper for "Peepee Poopoo"... but what's this? The kids are plucky and cheeky... Say, you don't suppose he might learn to... LOVE them do you?? What do you reckon?!

It could be really twee, but it's not. It could be rather unoriginal (grumpy old man's frozen heart melted by cheeky children) but it's not. There's a mishmash of dark humour, slapstick and silly rudeness for kids (use of toilets and underpants) and it really works. How terribly lovely.
9/10