Despicable Me (out 15th Oct)

I wouldn't consider myself a shallow person but I really dislike ugly things - people, animals, furniture, whatever. Ugly things annoy me. The trailer for Despicable Me highlighted the ridiculous noses of Gru (Steve Carrell) and Dr. Nefario (Russell Brand) , and don't get me started on how hideous I found the google-eyed minions. So I was a bit worried the ugliness would detract from any potential enjoyment of the film.

Things got off to a shakey start, with bulbous American tourists and a bowl cutted goofball villian Vector. No, no, ... ridiculous proportions ... so annoying... but then suddenly the plot speeds up, we meet Gru, his associate mad old Dr. Nefario and numerous minions. They simply want to make a living like everyone else, it just so happens their business is being evil. The minions are actually quite adorable, Jemaine Clement (Flight of the Conchords) voices one of them, and I suddenly realised part way through they quite look like him too. Their goofy gnashers and inexplicable inconsistancy of having one or two eyes (how come some only have one eye?? argh) suddenly melt into very endearing qualities.

Anyhoo, back to the story. Desperate to keep his up horrible reputation against the new kids on the crime scene - namely sea-life obsessed nerd Vector (Jason Segel), Gru stumbles upon three orphan girls selling cookies and realised he can use them as a front for part of his most evil scheme yet, stealing THE MOON (bwhahaha). So, despite finding them incredibly annoying, he adopts them. He shoves them in the kitchen with a bowl full of sweets and some newspaper for "Peepee Poopoo"... but what's this? The kids are plucky and cheeky... Say, you don't suppose he might learn to... LOVE them do you?? What do you reckon?!

It could be really twee, but it's not. It could be rather unoriginal (grumpy old man's frozen heart melted by cheeky children) but it's not. There's a mishmash of dark humour, slapstick and silly rudeness for kids (use of toilets and underpants) and it really works. How terribly lovely.
9/10

Life As We Know It (out 8th Oct)

Ok. So in a bonkers casting choice, Katherine Heigl (circle face) plays a role we've never seen in her before - except her last 3 or movies - Holly, a pretty blonde career woman who just can't find the right man. The fergalicious Josh Duhamel (square face) is Messer, a stinky non-committal sports buff - albeit one with toned arms who everyone seems to fancy. Except of course our cutie heroine. In a tragic yet wacky twist, as godparents to their best friends daughter, they end up living together in the same (big beautiful) house to bring up the baby when their pals perish in a car crash. Hilarity ensues... sort of.

The movie seems to veer between gross LOLs about baby sick and nappies to "boohoo look at the orphan child". Then with the introduction of a "hunky" triangle faced paediatrician, Circle face is torn between him and the square (seriously, once you notice the shapes you won't stop - especially the paediatrician, he is seriously triangular).

The underlying flaw for me was the recurrent question bounced between Holly and Messer of "Why did they choose us?", as if the deceased couple planned this all along and there was some meaning to them being named in the will. Most likely the couple just didn't think they would pop their clogs so soon.

I did quite enjoy this, even thought I hate rom-coms - this was packed full with several cliches, including the dash to the airport. Josh Dumahel did become more attractive as film went on, as he carried the baby about in a caring yet manly fashion (although this could just be because Mother Nature gave me a womb and whether I like it or not that biological clock is ticking). I do really like Katherine Heigl, even though her nose looked really weird in some profile shots. There are some fabulous neighbours, including a fat bossy Southern Belle, and the baby girl is lovely - although I did wonder how they made her cry and look so distressed in some of the scenes.

If you like crying babies, square shaped men, the "They HATE each other... oh no wait, it was sexual tension, chuckle!" thing, you will throughly enjoy this movie.

6.5/10