Love and Other Drugs (out 29th Dec)

If someone had told me I would have an indifferent response and occassionally be bored by a film featuring endless shots of Jake Gyllenhaal's naked bottom, I have laughed in their face. Or just gone "nah, you're wrong". But this nameless, non-existent someone would be correct.

Love and Other Drugs stars Jake as buff ladies man Jamie, who quit medical school for a faltering career in technology sales (think cassette players and chunky televisions - the film is set in the 90s). His hideous obese brother Josh (think Jonah Hill, but even fatter with worse hair - I know, gross) advises him to use his sleazy salesman skills in the pharmaceutical industry, where he can make megabucks. Here, Jamie stumbles across feisty artist Maggie (Anne Hathaway) who is succumbing to Stage One Parkinson's Disease. Might they each be faking their confidence, masking vulnerability and low self esteem...? Might they teach each other to be better people??

The main problem with this film is that it can't decide if it wants to be a slightly wacky comedy about the dodgy medical industry in the USA, where pharmaceutical companies bribe GPs to use their products (with added American Pie style "fat brother who loves porn" thrown in) or an edgy (LOADS OF NAKED SEX STUFF!!!) sensitive (she's all ill...) rom-com (...but she's able to make jokes about boners etc). So it kind of ends up being about nothing.

There's some weird subplots which don't go anywhere - such as a tramp who steals Prozac out of the bin, who we later see with a haircut and going for a job interview. So are prescription drugs GOOD? The rest of the movie kind of implies not.

I'm confused.

Especially because I lost interest in a film featuring this ->

Unstoppable (out 24th Nov)

Chris Pine managed to make Captain Kirk even sexier than Shatner so I had high hopes for some cheeky heroic charm when I settled down to watch this. All I knew was that there was going to be a runaway train, and that Chris and Denzel Washington were involved.

Old timer Frank (Denzel) and new conductor Will (Chris) are spending their first morning together doing... some stuff I don't understand. Riding on the railway tracks in a little engine and picking up some carriages, and then measuring pressure or some such... yeah, it all went over my head. Anyway, they're good with trains. That's all we need to know.

Meanwhile, the fat goofy brother from My Name is Earl is being fat and goofy over in a railyard, doing something else I don't quite understand, and somehow ends up causing a locomotive with carriage after carriage of toxic chemicals to leave the depot with no driver and no air brakes. The train gathers speeds quickly and is soon powering down the tracks, heading straight towards a infamous sharp curve over a town, where it is certain to derail and explode. After a serious of failed attempts to stop it, it's up to spunky train dispatcher Connie (Rosario Dawson) and our everyday ordinary humble (but also buff, brave and ingenious) guys to save the day.

I was pleasantly surprised that the film was geniunely very exciting. Every time the train powered through a crossing or near another train, my heart missed a beat. The characterisation was kept to a minimum, but that helped keep the pace of the film. Due to the fact a) this was inspired by true events and b) my own knowledge that lots of people are morons, I think I now have a fear of trains.

The tagline sums it up pretty well "1 million tons of steel. 100,000 people at risk. 100 minutes to impact". Should have just copied and pasted that.

Let Me In (out 5th Nov)

Chances are, I could be a bit biased about this film. I did watch it on Halloween, so I was definately in a mood for spooky thrills, and it also stars my new hero Chloe Moretz - the super cool Hit Girl from KickAss.

Owen is a skinny shy boy, slightly smothered by his fragile mother during his parents divorce. He spends his evenings alone, sat on a climbing frame and scoffing sweets. Naturally, he is a target for bullies at school. One evening he spies a man and his daughter Abby moving in to their apartment block. The girl is pale and beautiful, the man a little sinister. Both are anti-social, mysterious and only seem to leave their flat after nightfall. Their arrival also coincides with a spate of violent ritual-style killings.... hmm. All the clues point to something so obvious that everyone overlooks it - vampires.

This is a remake of the Swedish film "Let The Right One In", based on a novel of the same name. World cinema remakes are usually very annoying - people that are too lazy to read subtitles shouldn't get to watch amazing films, and studios should be investing money into exciting new films instead. At least here, the writer has added his own take to the story - the origins and nature of Abby's mysterious guardian are very different, chunks of her past are missing. Matt Reeves, who also directed Cloverfield, seems to have mastered the balance of what to show the audience and what to hint at off screen, with ominous fleeting glimpses. The cinematography is stunning and horror has claimed back vampires from the ridiculous tweeness of Twilight - vampires don't avoid daylight because the sunshine makes them glitter and sparkle, they avoid it because otherwise THEY BURN TO DEATH. Just the way it should be.

8.5/10

Despicable Me (out 15th Oct)

I wouldn't consider myself a shallow person but I really dislike ugly things - people, animals, furniture, whatever. Ugly things annoy me. The trailer for Despicable Me highlighted the ridiculous noses of Gru (Steve Carrell) and Dr. Nefario (Russell Brand) , and don't get me started on how hideous I found the google-eyed minions. So I was a bit worried the ugliness would detract from any potential enjoyment of the film.

Things got off to a shakey start, with bulbous American tourists and a bowl cutted goofball villian Vector. No, no, ... ridiculous proportions ... so annoying... but then suddenly the plot speeds up, we meet Gru, his associate mad old Dr. Nefario and numerous minions. They simply want to make a living like everyone else, it just so happens their business is being evil. The minions are actually quite adorable, Jemaine Clement (Flight of the Conchords) voices one of them, and I suddenly realised part way through they quite look like him too. Their goofy gnashers and inexplicable inconsistancy of having one or two eyes (how come some only have one eye?? argh) suddenly melt into very endearing qualities.

Anyhoo, back to the story. Desperate to keep his up horrible reputation against the new kids on the crime scene - namely sea-life obsessed nerd Vector (Jason Segel), Gru stumbles upon three orphan girls selling cookies and realised he can use them as a front for part of his most evil scheme yet, stealing THE MOON (bwhahaha). So, despite finding them incredibly annoying, he adopts them. He shoves them in the kitchen with a bowl full of sweets and some newspaper for "Peepee Poopoo"... but what's this? The kids are plucky and cheeky... Say, you don't suppose he might learn to... LOVE them do you?? What do you reckon?!

It could be really twee, but it's not. It could be rather unoriginal (grumpy old man's frozen heart melted by cheeky children) but it's not. There's a mishmash of dark humour, slapstick and silly rudeness for kids (use of toilets and underpants) and it really works. How terribly lovely.
9/10

Life As We Know It (out 8th Oct)

Ok. So in a bonkers casting choice, Katherine Heigl (circle face) plays a role we've never seen in her before - except her last 3 or movies - Holly, a pretty blonde career woman who just can't find the right man. The fergalicious Josh Duhamel (square face) is Messer, a stinky non-committal sports buff - albeit one with toned arms who everyone seems to fancy. Except of course our cutie heroine. In a tragic yet wacky twist, as godparents to their best friends daughter, they end up living together in the same (big beautiful) house to bring up the baby when their pals perish in a car crash. Hilarity ensues... sort of.

The movie seems to veer between gross LOLs about baby sick and nappies to "boohoo look at the orphan child". Then with the introduction of a "hunky" triangle faced paediatrician, Circle face is torn between him and the square (seriously, once you notice the shapes you won't stop - especially the paediatrician, he is seriously triangular).

The underlying flaw for me was the recurrent question bounced between Holly and Messer of "Why did they choose us?", as if the deceased couple planned this all along and there was some meaning to them being named in the will. Most likely the couple just didn't think they would pop their clogs so soon.

I did quite enjoy this, even thought I hate rom-coms - this was packed full with several cliches, including the dash to the airport. Josh Dumahel did become more attractive as film went on, as he carried the baby about in a caring yet manly fashion (although this could just be because Mother Nature gave me a womb and whether I like it or not that biological clock is ticking). I do really like Katherine Heigl, even though her nose looked really weird in some profile shots. There are some fabulous neighbours, including a fat bossy Southern Belle, and the baby girl is lovely - although I did wonder how they made her cry and look so distressed in some of the scenes.

If you like crying babies, square shaped men, the "They HATE each other... oh no wait, it was sexual tension, chuckle!" thing, you will throughly enjoy this movie.

6.5/10